Saturday, February 25, 2012

Feeling Philosophical

Thank you to everyone for the wonderfully supportive comments.  I'm feeling stronger today -- less shell shocked.  Which is not to say that I couldn't fall right back to into the pit of despair in a heartbeat.

Linda commented that a door has shut and that struck me as so accurate.  Isn't that what life is like?  Doors closing, doors opening, windows letting in light or banging in the wind...

I'm focused on giving Jackson the best possible life, for however long that ends up being.  I'm not sure that he will come out of the next acute flare up of his laminitis.  So, I could confine him to his stall limiting the weight he puts on his feet and I could just feed him grass hay.  I could force him to be quiet and he might last longer. 

But, really, is that a life?

I don't think so.  Jackson deserves to live whatever life he has left to the fullest.  His remaining time should be full of what brings him happiness; not what gives him the most time (which is a selfish motive focused on me, not him).  Life in a stall is not a life.  At least, it isn't for Jackson.  He will out of necessity still spend most of his time there, because his feet get sore so quickly, but he will get out every day.  That's my promise to Jackson. 

In the mornings he will get one carrot and a small handful of sweet feed with his vitamins.

He is social, so he will go out in the pastures in the morning while I muck.  He can stand in the sun and visit with Kalvin while Flash and Winston are in the barn eating their morning supplements.  And as often as is possible, he will eat his breakfast with the herd.

His days of doing this may be over...

But, his days are not over.
As long as his eyes sparkle with welcome when he sees me, 
as long as he nuzzles me for attention, 
and as long as he wants to live,
he will.


  1. you will know when it is time. until then, let him enjoy his days, as i know you will...

  2. Jackson's beautiful! I like your idea to let him live as long as he wants to, and I love that you're going to let him enjoy what time he has left.

  3. If this was Facebook, I'd click "like"...
    Best of luck to you and Jackson, may you both enjoy the time you have left together.

    Fantastic photo tribute to your equine buddy too.

  4. Through my tears - you are SO awesome! Thanks for waiting to see it in his eyes.

  5. I'm sorry. I had to go back to catch up on your last post, or I would have commented there. I know that you've had your premonitions come true all too quickly. Nothing can make this O.K. but you're right. As long as Jackson has more good than bad, his life is worth living.

  6. Perfect :)
    I feel the same way about my boy..

  7. That is a really good way to think about hard stuff like this. However, you really should consider revamping his diet. A lot of cases of lamanitis can be improved with nutrition. I recommend Dr. Juliet Getty, she is amazing! She has a lot of really good nutritional management for the lamanitic horse. Go to her website and forum and take a look.

  8. You are a very noble woman who has excellent insight on what is important from the horses perspective. You understand Jackson amd with you he will live until the end one of the happiest horses in the world.

  9. I'm with you. As I looked at the photos of Jackson in his stall, I thought "his eyes are bright and his ears are perky". May that continue for a long time. Wishing you the best.

  10. Jackson still seems pretty perky. I'm with you...he will let you know when it is his time to go.

  11. You made me cry with this one! The pictures are so beautiful and he looks so good. What a versatile boy. And he could not be sweeter. I love your philosophy and would do the same.
    Please give Jackson a big hug for me tomorrow morning.

  12. this is almost too much for me - i know he's your precious heart horse and i cannot imagine what you're going thru cuz i've never had to. the first time i saw him i thought what a unique looking horse, those eyes! i know you had so many dreams to fulfill with him. i'm glad he's home with you and not boarded, so you can be with him.

  13. He sure is a very beautiful horse and looks like he is still enjoying life. I hope he is comfortable and happy for a long time to come.

  14. Please read this! I think you can help him. Even if you can't save him some of the things they suggest can make him a lot more comfortable in his last days which is what you want. I'm sorry if I'm coming across as pushy. I just don't want you to have to say goodbye if there is still something you can do to help him. I'm sending healing thoughts and prayers for you and Jackson.


Thanks so much for commenting! I love the conversation.