The Changing Lens: Part 3

1. Why do you ride?
I ride because I'm obsessed with it; because I'm addicted to the feeling of connection and partnership; and as my ability to ride improves I'm experiencing an amazing conversation and energy that flows between me and the horse.  The conversation has always been there but it has evolved from "do what I say and do it my way," to being able to think about a change in gait, and the thought being understood and executed with no force.  ...its rather hard to explain without sounding all telepathic and psychopathic, but horses are incredibly sensitive.  When I'm thinking about something, Lucy knows it.  I have to be careful that I only think about what I want in the moment.  If I think, "cantering would be nice in a bit," Lucy hears "canter" and ignores the part about "in a bit" and then I have to manage her over-achieving eagerness.

2.  How old were you when you started riding? How many years have you been riding?
I think this is a trick question so you can figure out my age.  I was in fifth or sixth grade when I started riding.  There was a boarding stable a few blocks from my home and I spent everyday after school there; feeding carrots and sugar lumps to the horses.  The owner of the stable had a one-eyed dappled Shetland pony named Petey.  He let me groom Petey and eventually, ride him as well.  I rode in the arena, bareback.  He was a mischievous, naughty pony but I didn't care.  As I grew up, through middle school, I went to horse camp every year.  This was at a local riding stable that rented horses for trail riding in the hills in the southern part of my town.  I saved all my money to ride there and I still remember my favorites: a tall grey named Pharoah and a chestnut Tennessee Walker named King.  In high school, I was fortunate to find an empty nest family with a horse that needed to be ridden. Charco was a grey QH/Arabian mix; very snarky and not very fast but with lovely smooth gaits.  I rode her bareback as well; up in the foothills or in a public arena that was close enough to ride to.  I loved cantering on her -- I didn't recognize it at the time but it was my first experience with dressage; she lifted her back and carried me along.  It was heaven.  I rode a bit in college with a friend who had horses and then stopped completely when I got married.  I picked it up again at 40 and have been riding consistently since then (I'm 55 now).  I guess I've been riding close to 30 years.

3.  Your first fall?
I fell off Petey, the Shetland pony, all the time.  He would dump me and head for an open stall where I would find him cleaning up some other horse's hay.  I probably fell off of him more days than not.  He was a brat.  He was also very low to the ground.

4.  English or western? What discipline (dressage, jumping, trail, roping)?
I am most comfortable in a dressage saddle and I love the one I have now which is a close contact model.  There is very little leather between me and Lucy.  I'm still most comfortable with the feel of bareback, which this saddle gives me -- plus some security.  I did not ride much in a western saddle, other than at rental stables, growing up and I'm not nearly as comfortable in one.  I like being able to feel the horse under my leg, to feel the muscles tense or twitch, and in a Western saddle I don't feel as connected.  I did some jumping when I was younger but once I discovered dressage, I lost interest in everything else.  I do enjoy a short trail ride once in awhile, particularly in a beautiful location, but my heart belongs to dressage, the balanced dance, and that whole unspoken dialogue I tried to explain above.

5.  When was the last time you rode and what did you do?
The last time I rode was Sunday, January 3rd.  I rode Lucy in the arena.  She was pretty hyper at first but then we were both able to relax and have a wonderful conversation.

6.  Have you ever had to put down a horse that you loved?
This is downer of a last question.  Jeez.  Yes, I have done this.  It is the hardest part of horse ownership.  We've put down two horses: Strider and Starman.  Strider was not emotionally bonded with us and he was in a lot of pain from laminitis.  It was not horribly difficult to put him down.  Starman was my first horse (I don't count Mr. Mike who was mean and who I sold after a couple bad falls).  I loved Starman.  He carried me for as long as he could and then Camille rode him.  When he couldn't carry her anymore, we got him the miniature donkeys for companions.  He lived to be 20-something (his age was never clear-cut).  He got an infection, became septic, and despite a week of inpatient care at the equine hospital we couldn't save him.  We brought him back home before putting him down.  His story is here.  I still miss him.

Give me your Heart

The worst part about being fifty-two is that my body takes it's sweet time healing.  My brain still thinks in teenager time frames so I am annoyed.  In my head, I think my toe should be healed, happy and ready to ride but the reality is that I'm sitting on the couch waiting, waiting, waiting. 

Poor Brett, he had to get up at 4:00 this morning to do the chores before leaving for work.  I felt guilty staying in bed until 6:30 and then doing nothing more strenuous than closing the windows in the house and turning on the espresso machine.

Record heat and monsoon afternoons continue.  Highs have been bumping against the 100F mark with humidity above 50%.  Around 2:00 storm clouds blow in from the desert and we hear thunder.  Saturday we even had some light rain which brought the temperature down to 85F.  I sat outside on the porch and drank in the wet garden smells and the sound of the raindrops spattering on the parched plants. 

I've been writing a lot of poetry as I sit idle on the couch.  I'm sure this would be easier if I were a TV or movie person, but I'm not.  Here's a short piece I wrote about Starman and Auke.  The title is a reference to the form of the poem, not the content.  This form, the sevenling, requires that there be no formal title.  rules, rules.

Sevenling (Starman)

Starman had short stumpy legs,

arthritis in his hooves, and a frizzy red mane.

My Friesian had long black legs,

a flowing mane, and flashing hooves.

Starman gave me his heart;  I sold the Friesian.

Starman's story

Starman has been on my mind a lot lately.  We lost him last March and the memory of that time weighs on me.  I've been working on "his story" and I posted it today as a separate page.  You can click on it at the top of my blog.  A year later, I still get emotional about him.  The other morning I woke up thinking about him and lay in bed awhile, with tears sliding down my cheeks, before getting up.  That evening, Camille called me and said she had dreamt of Starman and in her dream, was crying.  I thought it was time to write his page.

Starman may have left us physically, but he is still living in our hearts.

Mirror, Mirror

Kate, who writes the blog "A Year with Horses"  http://ayearwithhorses.blogspot.com/ , posted a very thought provoking piece about horses and how they do or don't reflect the personality of their owners.  I've been discussing this with myself most of the day and have come up with the following.

Mr. Mike was my first horse.  He was a 13 yo OTTB.  We were still  living in suburbia when I bought him.  I was taking lessons at a schooling barn so I could learn to ride correctly.  I had access to a horse when I was a teenager but mostly I rode her bareback, racing my best friend and jumping logs.  I knew how to stay on and not much else.  Mr. Mike was thin and out of shape when I purchased him in 2000.  He was a horrible fit.  He was aggressive, bordering on mean -- okay, he was mean without borders.  I got dumped, cracked a helmet, and he tried to kick me while I was on the ground... you get the picture.  I traded him after two years for a little Paint horse named Starman.  I was desperate to get rid of him.  I think he was an aspiration horse.  I thought I wanted to jump.  I thought I wanted a hot horse.  I was so wrong.  I was so not 16 anymore.

Starman lived in the stall next to Mr. Mike.  He was a lesson horse but he hated it.  He wanted to belong to someone.  He tried to intimidate the students and was successful, even though he was only 15h.  But, we liked each other and I started bringing him treats when I went to the barn.  When our trainer offered a swap I took it even though I thought I looked dumb on such a little horse.  I had lost all my confidence and for the first time in my life I was scared to ride.  Starman, being short, was not scary.  Plus he was fat and out of shape and couldn't even canter.  He was safe.  We finished building our house that year (2002) and moved Starman and Flash up to the new barn.  Starman tried to learn dressage - but he had been a western show pony in his youth so he never did more than jog the pattern.  Here we are at our first show -- first for both of us:

Starman wasn't very brave and he was opinionated.  Either he liked you or he didn't and he never changed his mind.  He loved me and he gave me all his heart and all his try.  He had a wonderful rocking horse canter.  Starman also loved my daughter.  When he became too arthritic to carry me comfortably, I gave him to her.  She would ride him once in awhile but mostly they just hung out together.  This is my favorite picture of them:

We lost Starman in March of this year.  I still miss him.  We were both grumpy and opinionated and fiercely loyal to those we love.

In 2004, I bought another aspiration horse.  I had regained my confidence, thanks to Starman, and I wanted to be a dressage queen.  Brett and I found a 4 yo Friesian that we had to have.  Auke was tall, with beautiful conformation, a puppy dog face, perfect gaits and natural rhythm.  But we were not compatible.  He was an extrovert who thrived on attention.  He was arrogant, proud, alpha (but not mean) and demanded perfection from his rider.  With my trainer, he was poetry in motion.  With me, he was total frustration.  I learned a lot and I don't regret the five years spent with him.   It was also difficult to take him on the trail.  He would spook at little pebbles or lines in the dirt.  He would piaffe if I tried to hold him back...  it was a lot of work and not much fun.

In 2009, I put him in full training at my trainer's barn.  He excelled but it was doggone expensive.  I ended up selling him to a young rider in Nebraska with tons of talent and FEI dreams.  I hope he takes her there.

While Auke was in training, I decided to look for a trail horse.  I missed trail riding with Brett and it was clear that Auke wasn't coming home.  He was too talented to be hanging out up in the mountains with us.  I found Jackson and fell in love with his soft eye and goofy expression.  When I brought him home, he met all my expectations for a trail horse.  I can take him anywhere:

I started playing with him in the arena, trying to teach him some basic aids.  He loved it.  He tried his heart out and when I asked him to do something he didn't know, he threw me everything in his book trying to find the answer.  He made me laugh and I realized that he was all I needed.  I didn't need a big fancy Friesian to do dressage.  I could teach Jackson and we would have fun.  Jackson is my once-in-a-lifetime horse.  If he is treated with respect and compassion, he will try anything.  He is honest.  He never quits.  He loves to be pampered.  Neither of us likes to be cold.  We're both level headed and quiet.  We don't like being the center of attention, but we have high expectations of ourselves.  Like me, he gets cranky and tense if he doesn't understand something and we are both excessively pleased with ourselves when we get it right.

And last, but certainly not least, is Brett's horse Flash.  I bought Flash for Brett in 2002 and they have been inseparable since.  I asked Brett to tell me the ways in which they are similar.  He said they are both bullies and they are both belligerent.  Those aren't the traits I was going to highlight, but it is true.  They are also both playful and they both get bored easily.  All the sensory training that they do for mounted patrol suits both of them.  They are co-dependent in some ways as well.  Until recently, they leaned on each other during dressage training.  Brett has learned to be lighter in his hands and Flash has stopped hanging on the reins and falling on his forehand.  They do still mess with each other though.  Flash is aloof and likes to be left alone.  Brett goes into his stall or the pasture and cleans off eye goobers or whatnot.  It annoys the heck out of Flash.  He gets even though.  When Brett works on projects in the pasture, Flash takes the keys out of the tractor ignition or steals tools.  Just last week, he dropped Brett's hammer into the pond.

What has been your experience with the horses in your life?