My word for 2016
In 2015, I worked hard on being authentic -- my word for last year. It was a good word for me, it resonated in most everything I did from letting my hair go grey to being real at work. We ate authentic food which I interpreted as whole food; more veggies, less red meat, more fish, more seasonal and less processed. Brett pretty much kicked his chips habit and rarely drinks soda. He still needs something sweet after dinner, so most nights the smell of cinnamon toast wafts from the kitchen. But, I was happy with my authentic year.
I didn't think I'd be able to come up with a good word for 2016; authentic was going to be hard to beat.
Wednesday morning, I was driving with a colleague to a meeting. We're about the same age and our conversation turned to the "joys" of being 50-something and menopausal. Over the sound of the slapping windshield wipers, I complained loud and long about the layer of fat that has attached itself to my belly. It irritates the hell out of me. I have never in my life had belly fat before and now I have (shudder) a roll. Being a wise friend, as well as a co-worker, she turned to me and said "you just have to accept that this is who you are now. You have to be okay with it." The wind blew the car a bit, and the rain beat down, as her words sunk in and stuck.
She's right, of course. I'm never going to be the skinny leggy thing (with no boobs) of my youth. In many ways, I am a tall version of my Grammie; my dad's mother. She was barely 5 feet tall, very lively, and no one would have called her thin. She swam at the community pool and took long walks in the evenings. She was an amazing cook (my inspiration) and ate a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. The last thing I cared about was her figure. I cared about how she made me feel -- loved and special -- and how she taught me to cook traditional Hungarian food. My husband and kids like me just the way I am. I need to let fat resentment go -- and toss the clothes that will never, ever fit me again.
I don't have any intention of adding more rolls of fat and being a blob. I will exercise and stay fit -- but I will do my best to accept who I am now, at this point in my life. I will eat healthy foods cooked with real butter and whole milk. I will ride my horse and walk the dog and kayak. I will drink wine and live this life we've chosen to the fullest.
And I'll secretly pray that I don't blimp out. It's going to take me all year on this one.