Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Good Riddance

...to 2014. I'm hoping for a quiet 2015.

2014 was a year of loss for me. The largest, most overwhelming, loss was that of my mom in February. I am still haunted by the memory of the days in the hospital with her that last week, of wrestling with her wishes to go - against my want of her to stay, in the quiet nights while I sat in the room alone with her. I find my eyes welling with tears, still, on my evening commute home when my mind drifts to thoughts normally shared in our frequent phone calls. Camille and I have a whole new understanding of pelicans flying close by -- Grandma is with us in spirit.

We lost Sedona in the summer after her battle with cancer. Sedona lived a long happy life and her final demise was sudden and clear. We did not have to wonder about whether it was time; one morning she couldn't walk and her eyes told us it was time. She was a great dog and part of our family fabric.

There was also the loss of Winston. It was difficult for me to accept that I was not the rider he needed. We lost confidence in each other and we couldn't find our way back. Selling him to a brave young rider was the right thing to do but it wasn't an easy decision to make.

Thanksgiving was difficult. There was hurt and, hopefully, some healing. It was painful regardless. That's all I'm gonna say on that subject.

The year wasn't all bad, of course. Lucy and I found each other and we bonded immediately. She fixed my tendency to curl and lean forward in a matter of weeks; something that years of lessons failed to do. If I lean, at all, she rushes. If I'm straight and balanced, so is she. The reward for both of us is huge. When I ride Lucy, I am in a place of relaxed joyfulness. She is truly a gift (thank you Victoria and Sandy).

Brett underwent successful knee replacement surgery. The recovery was very different from the time he had his first knee done. He had much less pain, greater range of motion almost immediately and healed in record time. I can hardly keep up with him now.

Kyle graduated from college and started working in San Francisco. I have successfully launched my eldest child -- and it feels great. I'm very proud of both of my children; of who they have become and how they live their lives. Camille is on her way and I expect a successful launch, in a few years, with her as well.

Here's a big raspberry to 2014 and a hearty welcome to 2015.

Kersey misses Sedona but being an inside dog in the winter has definite benefits.


10 comments:

  1. kersey is coming into her own, too. :) happy 2015 to you all!

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  2. (Check your post...you said 2015 instead of 2014 being a tough year. Heaven knows that 2015 is going to be much better for all of you) Yes, you sure had some major changes. Not easy to lose a Mom. I think Lucy made a big difference and Brett sure lucked out with his knee surgery...superman. That last shot of Kersey is so gorgeous. Sending you good vibes for an outstanding 2015.

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  3. Best to you in 2015 - and so glad you have Lucy - those horses who won't accept anything but your best are great teachers!

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  4. Thanks so much for letting us share the journey with you and Brett! Happy New Year!

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  5. Well, you definitely had some painful times. I'm reminded that what doesn't kill us, does indeed, make us stronger. There is truth in that statement Annette, so hang in there and know that time does lessen the pain of loss. It's been 20 years this coming January for my dad, and was 10 years since my mom's death this month...I still cry at their absence from time to time, but it's so much easier to think about them, and even smile or laugh at memories than it used to be. Life is forever changed, but it does go on. Soooo happy you and Lucy found each other!! I hope to enjoy that feeling when I start riding (hopefully) Eagle this year!! *fingers crossed* May 2015 be an awesome year filled with blessings for you and yours...

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  6. Oh, and that picture of Kersey - she is absolutely beautiful!! She and my Annie should have been doggie models. :)

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  7. Best wishes for a wonderful 2015!

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  8. What a tough year. I am glad it's behind you, and I wish you a quiet, peaceful 2015.

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  9. Annette, I totally get what you are saying about 2014. I'm glad that it's over too but not sure how to face 2015 yet.

    I am so glad that you found Lucy and I know that selling Winston was hard but don't look on that as failure. You gave him such a great start and he's now on a different path. You truly had his best interests in mind.

    I lost my father many years ago and it still aches. (((hugs))) for you and your mom.

    Sedona was a dog that you and Brett gave a great life to and were able to give her a kind death. That is also a gift.

    Here's to 2015 and moving forward even when all we want to do is curl up. *clink* of virtual wine glasses.

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  10. I'm so sorry for all the loss you suffered in 2014. I'm glad you have Lucy and I hope she helps balance some of it out. I have my fingers crossed that 2015 is an awesome year for you! You deserve it!

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Thanks so much for commenting! I love the conversation.